The Banana Crisis

Posted: 01-Aug-2011

When will the banana crisis end? The banana is now so expensive, its prices are being included in news bulletins, right after Gold and Texas Crude. In most households, banana eating has ceased. Kiddies are heading off to school, disappointed once again that there’s no banana in their bag.

Briskly walking office girls in the city fret about another day without a banana. The lads off for a lunch time run are concerned about their recovery now that their budget can’t afford a  banana. Sure, they could have an apple or an orange but that’s no banana.

Reserve Bank governer Glen Stevens said during this week that the nation is unhappy. What joy can there be, Glen, without bananas? The banana is the happiest fruit. Its bright yellow is a cheering presence in the fruit bowl. It’s shaped like a smile.

Who hasn’t picked up a banana and held it to their ear like a telephone handpiece and said “hello?” You can’t ‘answer’ a strawberry. You can only do that gag with a banana. True comedians then hold out the banana to anyone standing by and say,”It’s for you.” The banana can also be the mock gun, a hilarious moustache; there is more dramatic and comic potential in a single banana than you’ll find in a whole crate of pears. And, as this may be read at the breakfast table with family present,  we will not even hint at  the banana’s deep natural bawdiness.

What panic there must be in the comedy world this week without banana skins to slip on? Entire slapstick departments have closed. Clowns are looking sadder than ever. There have been some ghastly reports of physical comics attempting to slip on a pineapple or a mango. They slip OK, but only to a polite snigger. Only the banana can set up the belly laugh.

Who doesn’t love peeling a banana? What other fruit yields itself with such wanton ease? The orange can be stubborn and beyond the skin lie the dry webs of pith. The apple is deceitful. Bright and shiny on the outside, it can be wormy and floury within. The banana declares itself. Bought green and firm, it will ripen reliably in your own home. Once past its prime, it signals its own decay. Look, I’m turning black. I’ll be a bit mushy now.

It has become clear that our entire economy hinges on the Banana Index. Nothing else matters, it’s the price of bananas that is pushing our economy to an overripe brink. But it’s more than that. The banana brings a smile to a face the way no mandarin can.The banana must be brought back to affordable levels.  Or we face a future, as gloomy as prunes.