Are they getting fitter than me? Should I be wearing the gear? I don’t wear the gear and I wonder if it’s stopping me from attaining peak physical condition. Because there’s a lot of gear that can be worn.
Take your runner. My days of running, jogging, crossing the City to Surf finish line arms raised triumphant are behind me, like my days of not having to piss twice in the night. So I walk and today’s runners pass me and they’re all wearing black tights. The tights are called Skins. They’re a shark suit for joggers. I thought they were just to keep warm in Sydney’s bitter mornings – sometimes as low as a bitter 16 or 17 in the depths of May – but no, Skins offers so much more.
I quote ….”Skins performance equipment has been designed to wrap around key muscle groups to reduce muscle movement and focus the direction of the muscle … The wrapping effect and compression also dramatically reduce muscle vibration resulting in less soft tissue damage…. The combination of muscle wrapping with BioAcceleration Technology act to reduce delayed onset muscle soreness ( DOMS ) and accelerate recovery times.”
Um. That’s got to be crap doesn’t it? However did we trap the Mastodon without our Skins? And not some old bear Skin draped across one shoulder. Perhaps if Pheidippides had been wearing Skins when he ran from Marathon to Athens to announce victory, he wouldn’t have died. Do those whippety Kenyans who run faster and further than all the rest of us wear the Skins?
I say Beware of Psuedo scientific language with mid word capitals ( BioAcceleration Technology ) , anything starting with Bio, clothes with Technology, acronyms for no reason
( AFNOs ); all this should be setting of your bullshit alarm like a sneaky cigarette sets off the alarm in the toilet of a Boeing.
But does this gear make them fitter?
“The future of technical wear is engineered gradient compression. When compression is engineered to apply a balanced and accurate surface pressure over specific body parts, it triggers an acceleratin of blood flow…( this ) allows you to work at a higher rate for longer.”
If I’m running the marathon in 2 hours 8minutes – will the Skins knock a minute or two off? If I’m shuffling three k around the park do the Skins do anything at all? I’m not against exercise and fitness. I like it. But for most of us, our fitness guru should be John Howard. A brisk walk will keep us above ground and able to run the country. I never saw John Howard in Skins. That’s probably a good thing.
“Skins creation of the correct compression is based on a body mass index ( BMI ) algorithm. A unique sizing system based on the algorithm. allows Skins to customize and engineer gradient compression.”
Algorithm. Sounds like something from Lord of the Rings. But all it means is a process, a method, a recipe even. Let me translate the above paragraph further: Skins are made using a BMI Recipe and they make them in different sizes. So they fit you. Like socks.
If I walk out of the house in the clothes I’m wearing and keep walking for a half an hour and then come back, that’s exercise isn’t it?
Or is it only exercise, if I put on exercise clothing? And will I get more exercise if I put on exercise technology? No wonder I can’t get off the couch and exercise. I’m not sure I’m dressed for it.